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This year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” entered the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the terms gen Z is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is interested or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This means going for someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal quirks indicating a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately kill any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {